I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
