Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize