During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
