I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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