the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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