What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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