we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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