First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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