Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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