just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
