I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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