Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
