I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
