I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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