I want to stick my p in your. b.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
