As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
