Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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