I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
