you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
