I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
