so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
