just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
