Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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