Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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