You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
