she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
