My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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