Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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