I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
