I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
