Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
