My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
