You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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