What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
