I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
