You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
