I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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