i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize