the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
