So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
