I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i've created a new STD.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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