My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
