Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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