We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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