Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
