I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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