I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
