your parents love me but you hate me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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