i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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