I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
