You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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