You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
