I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
