I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
