Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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