Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize