How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
