remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
