i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
