Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is it because I queefed?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
