He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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