It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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