Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
