i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
