I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
