That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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