me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
