the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
