It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
