a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
