the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
