Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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