Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
