theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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