What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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